Mom drama…as always
My mom is trying to get herself back into my life by pretending to be interested in the things I’m interested in. For example, she recently decided to invite me to a baseball game. She hates sports. Hates, loathes, despises sports. She wouldn’t even go to a Giants game for my sister’s birthday. My sister, the Golden Child, the one she would do anything for.
But now she’s decided she’s a fan. Whatever. So she invites me to a game that is happening while I’m still in school. Nope. Can’t go.
Tonight I receive a massive text chain from her and a huge group of people she’s invited to go. I decided to be honest. Bad idea. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable going with her friends. (I blamed it on not knowing them. The truth is that her friends are alcoholic enablers that I want nothing to do with.) Her response is to guilt trip me.
"I changed the dates for you to be able to attend!"
Well, sucks to be you. I am not going to feel guilty because you have poor planning skills. I am not going to go to a game with people that I don’t like and be miserable because you are a terrible communicator and mother. I refuse to play your game.
More positive thoughts today
As I was leaving work today, I had kind of a break through regarding my post this weekend.
You know what?
If they don’t like me…they’re the ones missing out. I’m a really good friend. So, sucks to be them.
What I mean when I say “I can’t do that”- Anxiety Version:
- I am unable to do that
- I am too stressed out to do that
- I cannot face the humiliation of attempting to do that
- My body will physically not allow me to do that
- I am on the verge of a panic attack
- I cannot do that
What people hear:
- I am unwilling to do that
- I am just shy
- I am overreacting
- I am lazy
- I need to get more experience in social situation to help my anxiety
- I need a push
- I don’t want to do that
Inspired by X
The most common for me: doing that would send me into a panic attack.
Extremely bad mental health day, for seemingly no reason. Lovely.
This has been a really good week for my mental health.
- This week has been rough during the days, but I’ve managed to turn around my days each time. This is a huge amount of progress for me.
- I’ve been doing much better about staying active and eating healthier, even on rough days, even on the weekends. This has been helpful for me, and I feel like I’m making positive changes that are helping me be happier with myself and healthier.
- I made the realization today that my “light” cleaning weekends are what almost everyone does on normal cleaning days. My “normal” cleaning days are what most people consider spring cleaning. It makes me feel a lot less guilty about doing my “normal” cleaning only ever other weekend.
The lost key kerfuffle
Well I ended up in tears at the Post Office today. That was fun.
We have a centralized mailbox for our neighborhood. And, of course, our only mail key was on the keychain that I lost. Not a big deal, right?
Our post office is 25 minutes away, so it’s nearly an hour of just driving alone, not including waiting in line and getting the process completed. So I called this morning to double check that all I needed was my ID. ”Yup! That’s all you need!”
So waste of an hour. I literally left the office in tears of frustration. Then we had to run to Kaiser to pick up an emergency refill of my prescription, since I have a refill literally just sitting in my mailbox. (Which they legally can’t let me access, even though I can prove residency.)
Then we had to drive back. (The process costs FIFTY bucks, by the way.) Oh and when do we get our new keys?
Not until next Monday.
My husband the other day lost his wallet. He feels crappy, I feel crappy for him. I hope he feels better soon. I hope you feel better soon. You're still human and you're still loved.