I was supposed to spend the day with my mom today. Thanks to the anxiety related to this, I have spent the last four days crying. *Note: I didn’t put two and two together until today.*
The instant I cancelled?
Completely happy, completely relaxed, extremely productive.
Thanks for reminding me why I have limited contact with you, Mom.
People can forgive toxic parents, but they should do it at the conclusion—not at the beginning—of their emotional housecleaning. People need to get angry about what happened to them. They need to grieve over the fact that they never had the parental love they yearned for. They need to stop diminishing or discounting the damage that was done to them. Too often, “forgive and forget” means “pretend it didn’t happen.”
I also believe that forgiveness is appropriate only when parents do something to earn it. Toxic parents, especially the more abusive ones, need to acknowledge what happened, take responsibility, and show a willingness to make amends. If you unilaterally absolve parents who continue to treat you badly, who deny much of your reality and feelings, and who continue to project blame onto you, you may seriously impede the emotional work you need to do. If one or both parents are dead, you can still heal the damage, by forgiving yourself and releasing much of the hold that they had over your emotional well-being.
At this point, you may be wondering, understandably, if you will remain bitter and angry for the rest of your life if you don’t forgive your parents. In fact, quite the opposite is true. What I have seen over the years is that emotional and mental peace comes as a result of releasing yourself from your toxic parents’ control, without necessarily having to forgive them. And that release can come only after you’ve worked through your intense feelings of outrage and grief and after you’ve put the responsibility on their shoulders, where it belongs."
I rode a bike for the first time in ~15 years. I didn’t fall, I didn’t crash, my bike didn’t kill me.
I’m obviously a nervous rider - my handle bars were shaking from me shaking - and I still can’t do sharp 90 degree turns, but I did it!
So I bought a bike
Bike Month in my area a few months ago got me thinking about how silly and wasteful it was for me to be driving to work when I live just under five miles from work. So I decided to ask for a bike for my birthday.
There was a big sale on the bike I wanted, so we bought it last week as a very early birthday present. Today, we picked it up from a local bike shop that we paid to assemble and tune it.
And now I’m extremely nervous. I haven’t rode a bike since middle school because I had a bad accident and lost my courage to try again. I really want to do this, but seeing the bike assembled nearly sent me into an anxiety attack. I’m going to take it really slow and use the next few weeks to get comfortable again.
I can do this. I can overcome this fear.
Ok, my depression/anxiety is spiraling. Unfortunately, it’s the product of summer break. I’m honestly a bit surprised that I lasted this long before it hit this year.
I know what I need to do in order to help with it, so here’s my general plan to make it through the next two and a half weeks before school starts again.
- Get up by 10 AM - oversleeping makes it worse, not sleeping in makes it worse; this is a compromise.
- Work out every day
- Walk the dogs every day
- Do a small project around the house or for the baby shower every day I’m home alone
- Complete my daily checklist
- Make social contact, even if just by text, daily
Almost had an anxiety attack over a fucking dog ball…
This one requires a bit of backstory. As most of you know by now, my GSD Abbey is a bit neurotic. Love her to death, but she puts my anxiety issues to shame. Her coping mechanism is her two big rubber balls. She takes them everywhere. They go with us to the vet. They go with us on vacation. She counts them to make sure they both go with her to bed. She ALWAYS has them.
Guess who left them at my in-law’s house today? Me. I literally burst into tears and had to control an impending anxiety attack for the next half an hour. Thankfully, I found a really old one around the garage that we cleaned up and she seems to be fine.
All this over a fucking ball. Ugh.
Hello massive anxiety and depression attack about my hubby switching jobs in the near future.
"Don’t say you hate your fam-" No.
"Omg you should love your fami-" No.
"Be grateful they’re your famil-" No.
If you have been bullied, hit, teased, put down, hurt, lied to, or hated by your own family; you don’t need to justify how you feel. You don’t need to explain yourself. You are allowed to hate a family member or dislike a family member if they’ve given you a reason to.
This is so fucking important.